Gnosis of Noticing
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This host body of dream light
Breathes as a deep unraveling silk
Of all my laughing selves
Opens the door to wonder
Threads flying upward
dancing wildly away
to a sublime lilting wind song
•
Pure essence arises
From the well of secret nectars
A distillation of echos
Of every euphoria gathered
In opulent bliss pearls
I wear as a legacy of miracles
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Photo: Daniel Lesser
Exposing my true nature
I imperfectly reach
towards the shimmering cathedral
of embodied tantric love
arising from pure lands
of my uncorruptable soul
I awake each day
ever reckoning with
a paradoxical divide
where the remnants of rebirth
tears me in two
I live with this brokenness
heart bleeding rivers of rubies
for the muses to delight in
mending my song
wholeheartedly believing
in Love’s rapture
any ways
photo: Violet Visions
Oh this anguish
of hot Angel Fire
lead melting inside the crucible
of my golden core
Petrified knots
Twisted centuries
of unloved detriment
poured over by the haunting laughter
of my Emerald Muse Guardian
I've got her on speed dial
in case of emergency
nowhere to go
beyond this glass ceiling
breath getting shallow
i swear that I'm dying
her giggle
cracks the mirror she holds
mischievous taunting
reflecting my naked blushing
a rouge ample delight
of unexpressed eros
overwhelmed by the sudden witness
must hide from all these spirits
so visible I am now
to their curiosity
I shatter in the face
of their audience
shards cut the skin
with tiny reflective blades
sharpened with diamonds
of discrimination
not yet sanded to softness
by time grains of compassion
the aftermath of boulders
eroded by waves unrelenting
grieving glorious aliveness
pounding against my being
cooling the eruption
of this new earth
traversing gravities slow drifting
fresh soil turning
my island of her hosting
thickened to find footing
for awakened bliss
a rib pops out
this cave of my heart
bursting open
Im running out of the darkness
to at last face the sun
nursing this tender tearing apart
of the womb of my beating breast
giving birth to this fevered love
so i might finally
get some rest
"Puppeteer," by Kamilla Zarbaliyeva
Puppet Master
-A Midnight Drink with My Muse
(Work in Progress)
I
outside on the back porch
with your brandi and your cigarette
smoke tendrils wrap around me
and yer charcoal voice settin the stage
i was a brand new sage to you
I was a fresh new point of view
I was an open canvas
paint dripping down
like dew drops
on petals pulling me a part
does he love me
does he not
I’ve always looked for answers
in between the sheets
following rabbits down holes
hope they lead me somewhere sweet
and you are always standing
at the edges of the dream
with me wrapped around your finger
as you mused me
II
are you fucking with me
dear muse, I kind a hope so
dangling strings
diamond carrots rings in front of my nose
chasing you through burning hoops til i know
what this flavor is i'm savoring here
at the end of my rope
your hustling me
to strip me bare of my masks
to taste the fruits of eden’s tree
raw truth
brutal beauty
unnamable love
of snake slithering up my spine
body craves you all the time
once i finally took the bite
III
bending backwards round your mind tricks
predelict, predictive symmetry
its part of your shtick
writing letters to the paradox
holding my tensions hostage
without which we’ll never know
how the string reverberated
how the song did truly go
and all you do is sit and smile
a cheshire cat
holding smoky mirror obsidian
summoning visions of my fears,
my innocence imprisoned
as you laugh you laugh you
laugh your fucking head off
while I tap dance morose codes
on verses of your holy books
IV
she said to me
“look baby girl
let the story run its course
get on a different horse
get on your merry way
evil fears the belly laughter
of a ruby tongued jezebel like you
with nothing to hide
and nothing to prove
the bible isn’t funny
you know I couldn’t have written it
any maker of this realm
is way too good at spelling jokes of it
just look around at these folks
all living contradictions of
kaliedescopic meanings
they swore their little oaths upon
but you my dear
get caught up in the webs
you just love spinning threads
cause diamond stars look pretty
when you bead them on your silky nets
your laughter’s prophylactic
shaking cobwebs of the ages
lighten up little lady
your the riddler in these pages
their scribbled in your script
you’ve been tricking all along
to the center of the center
of your secret little song
casting the perfect scoundrels
to play out their favorite parts
in some brooding melodrama
shadow puppets on your heart
your the maester of the dance here
puppet master
dance upon your scriptures once again
your the maester of the dance here
puppet master
dance dance dance dance
dance until its dead!"
V
she handed me the brandy
when i went to take a drink
it turned to moonlight and red roses
cinnabar and mystery
and when i drank it down
she crowned me
queen of the world upon my throne
holding this golden pen id won
with the war i waged in my own tongue
she was right
it was funny as hell
Happy Full Moon
photo: Goddess Visions By Lenee Williams
If I called
Would you come
To the roots of my love
To drink of my sap
Sprinting ever towards heaven
Singing the blood song
Of my underworld
Would you venture
Into the mossy embrace
Of thirsty earthen arms
Stretching deeply
Into a wild darkly soil
Aching for wetness
To quench the thirst
Of an old growth Muse
Would you study
The runes of my leaves
Shimmering in recollection
Of Emerald Dreams
Each a living library
A lineage of fauna
The Drala of song
Whose echo-chamber
Of Sage wisdom
Opens in the shade where you rest
Would you follow the soft melody
To the center of my breast
To water the heart seed
From which I grew?
Take your pick of the bones
of who I once was
shape me into the statue
of who you fear to become
and I will come to join you
my great advisory of enchantment
in this graveyard cathedral
constructed of all memory
to set my death gaze
upon the shadows of moon dust
singing down on us
between ivory ribs
an irreverent song
who’s heart beat still blooms
inside of a provocative dream
praying to become
the flickering ashes
of a star’s decent
into this most glorious
of human form
The Dragon bites the Moon
the Emerald Tablet gets laid on the anvil
we hear the pounding of the chisel
forging our story
into buried maps
and future museum relics
We never did climb those Pyramids
too many steps
instead we made out under the Cedar Tree
guessing the names of all the Jinn
still entombed beneath her roots
I took a cast of my Heart
so you would one day understand
the language of my rapture
etched into the glyphs
which alchemists would come to relish
in their crucibles of curiosity
fire and water
lead to gold
distillation of a dream
cut me open
so you can find my song
we both know how teething Dragons
love to scribe
their poems of passion
with shadow ash
in a calligraphy of fangs
onto her creamy moon night scrolls
My Muses held council at my request. I was panicking.
They came forward to assure me that the next assignment would not require the same kind of energy currently bringing me to every cracking shell of my being.
“It will be….. different…..” they say.
“A reprieve in one manner,
no less expansive, growthful, or creatively fullfilling,
but certainly not the same kind of intensity you are experiencing now.”
I sigh, relieved at their prophecy.
They giggle, murmuring as through trying to keep some secret from me.
As if i can’t hear them all holding themselves back from laughing at my inner rebel trying to negotiate for less chores in the temple of my own splendorous imagining.
As if I wasn’t the one who practically begged for the assignments currently guiding this chapter of my walk, let alone the provisions miraculously continuing to weave through these hands in response to this great request of my Soul. In their kindness, they try not to remind me of all of my own prayers being granted.
Yet the words ‘Be careful what you wish for’ are written all over their cheeky ass faces.
“Yes, the next one will be easier my dear, you have our word.
But for now, the Muse you have been calling upon demands ALL of you.”
“All of me?” I plead.
Im exhausted.
Ive given my all to this Muse for years.
and if i’m honest
I’m terrified to keep going……
Trying to wiggle out from under her opulent and disquieting gaze.
“Every last morsel of Soul” they reply, ignoring my whining.
“More than what you believe yourself capable of giving. You must see your self grow beyond this place where you still withhold your loving from the world. For these are very parts of your being as yet untouched by the Sage’s Song you have so emphatically devoted your Holy Creative Love to.
“All your restless longing comes from the innate desire to feel the music of this song
caress every hidden part of you.
To do so, You must be willing to leave it all on the table, Beloved one.
All of it. Every ounce of what is holding you to the ground.
For this is the price of flying”
I didn’t want to be an astronaut
i didn’t want to see my self from the sky
lying up there, wondering where’d you gone
i didn’t want chase you to the moon
to land upon her dark side
succumb to her ruses
hear your unsung songs to the muses
cause i knew, when i did…
I would lose my mind
it was a terrible time
trying to find
the missing notes to your song
it was right there
all along
locked away inside the cage
of a mad composers empty page
of hearing whispers through the cracks
of continental song realms
they was up then they was down
they was cold then they was warm
notes were swarming all around
a thousand sounds of longing
wrapped in your silence
first a beat heard
then a lightning word
hunting the keys to an endless verse
in the back room with my candles lit
trying to hear the sense of it
i was pining strings across the walls
kaleidoscopic visions recalling
the fragments of a psalm in pieces
the true key to your heart’s still secret
I played my crazy instrument
from weaving clues to the brink of wit
a detective chasing time and place
swear i was just a note away
from your sunset voice it broke my soul
into a rhapsody of pink
where i heard thunder underwater
felt the hunger of the beast
as the Faerie Queen released her wild
in rivers underground
sounding the warriors drum
that wakes the sleeping Magi
they whispered songs of wonder to the moon
hauntingly incanting through illusions
that i swore off
the bandages i tore off
my heart was bleeding open
thawed from frozen
holding the key
finally free
There are places you will long to go
where the door never seems to open
you push against it
and the answer remains no
these are the struggles
when following a path
of desire
trust the no for now
for the room you aspire to enter
may not be ready for you my dear
there are other places that call to you
inviting you like water
to nourish the thirsty roots
of trees that have been calling out your name
water does not force itself to go anywhere
it goes where it is invited
where there is a gravitational pull for its medicine
perhaps those other doors will open again
or perhaps they will disappear into the mist
as cathedrals of majestic welcome
open their diamond gates to you
reminding you of where your home has truly been all along
you already belong here
